Relational Intelligence – The Difference Between Success and Failure

At CEO and Executive Team level, Relational Intelligence isn’t just desirable, it is mission critical. Most strategic priorities are relational challenges dressed up as business problems. A CEO or team that is low in relational intelligence is more likely to experience relational friction in the team, silos and turf battles, delayed decisions, executive burn out and poor performance. This is quickly evidenced with low team morale and an unhealthy culture.

What can you do to increase Relational Intelligence?

The good news is that Relational Intelligence can be taught and developed if a CEO and Executive team are willing to be intentional and invest time and resources in communication and relationships. Here at Wakeman & Wright Group this is what we do.

When Relational Intelligence is high, the atmosphere changes — alignment becomes faster and decisions improve. This is because everyone is engaged and contributing. This leads to increased trust — the highest indicator of high performing teams, and for moments of transformation, such as mergers, relationally intelligent leaders reduce fear and resistance, aiding smooth and healthy integration.

How does a CEO or executive leader increase their Relational Intelligence? There are three key development areas that, if followed, will significantly increase Relational Intelligence.

Firstly let us define Relational Intelligence as the following: 

The capacity to recognise, interpret, and skillfully manage the dynamics of relationships to create trust, alignment, and meaningful collaboration

Relational Intelligence sits at the intersection of emotional intelligence, social awareness, communication competence, and cultural intelligence.

Three essentials to increase Relational Intelligence

Each of these intentional activities will move the needle in the right direction of increasing Relational Intelligence. But when all three are combined there is a synergy effect that will accelerate the impact. We will firstly look at how to increase ‘Self Awareness’.

01. Elevate your Self Awareness

Self awareness is both the foundation and the engine of Relational Intelligence. Without self awareness there is no relational intelligence. Self awareness enables us to know our behavioural tendencies and what it is like on the other side of us. Self awareness thus reveals blind spots that could derail or undermine leadership.

A powerful Self Awareness Tool: Know Yourself to Lead Yourself

We appreciate the GiANT Tool, ‘Know Yourself to Lead Yourself’ which uses the infinity loop to signify continuous self awareness learning. We never truly arrive at 100% self awareness so it is a journey that requires a life-long posture of learning.

With the help of a coach, and also possibly a 360° Review, a CEO can begin to explore her behavioural tendencies. Some of these will be identified through a personality assessment, such as 5 Voices or MBTI and it can be helpful to seek feedback from close work colleagues. 

This information is gold for a CEO.

 Usually three or four top leadership tendencies can be identified that will require intentionality to overcome. These tendencies have certain actions and consequences that create a new reality for the team. For instance the CEO may be very decisive but may struggle to listen well to the views of others in her team. Growing in Active Listening will have a remarkable effect on team health and performance.

Self awareness impacts every area of leadership

Self awareness covers a vast array of behaviours, including stress behaviours. When a CEO understands his tendency under stress — for example, to bulldoze meetings and dominate discussions — he can see it coming and alter his behaviour. Some leaders struggle to bring challenge while others bring it too forcefully — both will have a negative impact on team performance. Differences in attitudes to risk, detail vs future focus, head vs heart decision making all play a part. When the CEO knows her tendency and personality by nature she can lean into the complementary gifts, skills and natural abilities of the team. This increases team synergy, reduces conflict and closes the window on blindspots.

Self-awareness is closely tied to emotional regulation and the ability to show empathy and the ability to understand the perspectives of others. As leaders grow self awareness they begin to be less defensive and to appreciate their team even more. They begin to lead out of relational influence rather than positional power, the team discovers common ground and the impact resulting in  faster and better decision making.

What action will you take to elevate your self awareness?

One recommendation: Book a 30 minute exploratory call with one of our expert coaches to explore your options.

02. Learn to ask great questions

The greatest leaders of all time knew how to ask the right questions. For instance,

Albert Einstein - ‘Why does light behave the way it does?’ and the theory of relativity was born

Steve Jobs - ‘Why does it have to be this way?’ while pioneering the company Apple

Jesus Christ - ‘Who do you say that I am?’ - helping his disciples to confront their beliefs and fears

Asking good questions is a key element of the relationally intelligent leader. Questions draw out the feelings, concerns and insights of others. But many leaders of organisations are not good at asking insightful questions. They have become used to giving directions and stating needs and wants but are not so strong at active listening, asking excellent questions to draw out the gold in the team and to build common ground. When this happens the leader can be seen as a ‘dominator’ of the team where it can feel more like a command and control arrangement.

How do I get better at asking great questions?

A leader that asks great questions can draw out the best of the team. New insights are put on the table, collaboration can go to the next level and the team feels empowered rather than simply compliant.

If you are a CEO or senior leader reading this, we want you to know that it is possible to grow in asking great questions but it requires a mindset change. Change from: “I need to have all the answers” to: “My job is to unleash the best thinking in this team and organisation.”

It can help to have four types of questions in your mind:

1. Clarifying questions - e.g. ‘What is the real issue here?’
2. Diagnostic questions - e.g. ‘Have we got all the right data yet?’
3. Strategic Questions - e.g. ‘What have we not yet considered?’
4. Developmental questions - e.g. ‘What do you need in the next year to support you in this?’

This type of leadership is a coaching-style CEO leadership and the result is a healthy, high performing team.

03. Decide to truly care

I remember someone telling me once that as a leader, ‘people don’t care what you know until they know that you care’. It is not difficult for a team to discern if the leader of the team genuinely cares about them or whether they are out for their own interests. Are they just playing the team as pawns on their master chessboard to achieve their goals and targets for personal wins? When a team leader fails to show care the team notices and the culture becomes hard and solely results driven. This reduces the quality of communication and relationships and the consequence is poor performance because trust is so low.

Why ‘Care’ matters at CEO level

A CEO that truly cares for the wellbeing and good of their team will naturally listen better, ask better questions, read the room more effectively and build a team around trust. In other words a caring leader is a relationally intelligent leader.

Care isn’t soft. Care is a strength. When a leader cares, the team feels safe. When the team feels safe, trust is elevated and performance increases.

Genuine care from a CEO to his executive team will increase retention and attract top talent - people stay or leave because of the quality of the leadership. Care also demonstrates that the leader has put aside any ego, is not threatened by strong leaders in the team and models vulnerability as they are not afraid to admit mistakes.

Actions to take

Take a moment and ask yourself, do I genuinely care about the members of my team? Am I fighting for their highest possible good? It is never too late to increase care.

A CEO or Senior Leader who takes the time to invest in self awareness, seeks to improve in asking thoughtful questions and decides to increase the level of care for their team will find their relational intelligence moving to new levels and have the joy of reaping the fruit of their investment.